"Pet Human" EXT. OUTSIDE ALIEN DUDE walks HUMAN GUY on a leash. ALIEN DUDE Human, poop. HUMAN GUY Look. It doesn't work like that. HUMAN GUY I'm a civilized creature. I only use properly sanitized facilities! HUMAN GUY Also... I don't have to go right now. ALIEN DUDE Human, poop. HUMAN GUY Yeah, I get it - poop. If you can communicate with me telepathically, then surely you can hear my thoughts. HUMAN GUY And if you can hear my thoughts, then surely you realize how completely absurd all of this is. ALIEN DUDE Human, pee. HUMAN GUY I don't have to pee either! HUMAN GUY Look into my eyes! I'm an intelligent creature! HUMAN GUY I can stand upright! You can't even do that! ALIEN DUDE Human, sit. HUMAN GUY I will NOT sit. I refuse to take orders! I have independent thought! HUMAN GUY I refuse to allow my life to be based upon the random whim of others! I must follow my instincts and choose my own destiny! INT. ALIEN STORE ALIEN DUDE inspects a new human shock collar.